Bracketed by Gratitude
“The negative screams at us while the positive only whispers.’
Barbara Frederickson.
This week marks the 91st NFL Draft, which will be held in Pittsburgh and I am on a flight there, where there will be 7 rounds for the 32 Clubs in the NFL (we call them “Clubs” not “teams” in the Collective Bargaining Agreement (CBA). But the year I graduated from college, there were 17 rounds of the draft and 26 teams. (I won’t say what year that was… When people ask me how old I am, my reply is that folks like me don’t have an age-we are “carbon dated.”)
Despite the fact that over 400 college players were selected in that draft…I wasn’t one of them. But in those days, the Clubs held what were then known as “Free Agent Camps,” despite the fact that true free agency in the NFL didn’t occur until 1993, when White vs. NFL (named for the legendary Reggie White) established the right of players to move among Clubs, with certain restrictions. But in my day, “free agent” simply meant you hadn’t been drafted and any Club could work you out and sign you to a contract If they thought you might be able to come to Training Camp and compete for a roster spot.
I went to the Chicago Bears “Free Agent Camp” that year, despite having already been accepted as a medical student at Duke. It had always been a dream for me to play in the NFL (I had zero dreams of being a doctor…), despite being a significantly undersized middle linebacker or “Mike.” It was a thrilling-and humbling- 2 days, rising before the sun and working all day to prove the unprovable-that I was worthy of a spot at training camp.
By the close of camp, the coaches disabused me of my notion that I belonged in the NFL, the “data” being that aside from size, strength, and speed, I lacked one other thing…talent! They said I had no talent-but they did say, “Doc, you’ve got one hell of a motor!” I guess they were right-on all counts.
I begin with that story because the people I coach invariably ask me, “Doc, like you, I have a lot of energy. But what do I do to slow down?” When you have a big “motor” it’s a good idea to take the time to slow that motor down, let it rest, and restore the energy which fuels that motor, particularly in a time when we are bombarded with the constant assault of electrons in the form of emails, texts, and social media. I do it by “bracketing the day with gratitude.” Here’s what works for me, which is a discipline that anyone can choose to apply.
Adopt a Gratitude Practice
I rise fairly early, but I refuse to open my “weapons of mass distraction” (meaning my computer or cell phone.) Instead, I get a hot cup of strong coffee, sit straight and quietly, feet firmly on the ground, always either outside or facing the window, watching “Dawn’s rosy fingertips” (as Homer put it) make their way across the sky. After some yoga breathing, I close my mind to the day’s coming distractions and open my heart. Open my heart to what? I open it to the people in my life for whom I am grateful, luxuriating in the gifts of their friendship and kindness, as well as the courage and tenacity they show each day. Then I make a mental note to reach out to them before the day closes to express that gratitude, usually with a call, text, or email. Because it’s not enough to just be grateful, it’s critical to act grateful by expressing that gratitude. After some sun salutations, my day begins.
3 Good Things
I start the day with the bracket of a Gratitude Practice, but how do I end it? It’s another simple habit called “3 Good Things,” a habit first described by the great positive psychologist Dr. Martin Seligman and his team at Penn but also advocated by my friend Dr. Bryan Sexton at Duke. Here’s how it goes:
1. Sit or lie quietly, undistracted by electrons and think about 3 Good Things which happened that day.
2. Make note of them mentally or by jotting them down.
3. Take a moment to bathe in the warmth of those good things, as well as your role in creating them.
That’s my bracket to close the day.
Do me a favor-try bracketing your day with gratitude. Don’t be surprised if you feel better, have more energy, and have the chance to slow your motor down to let it rest and recover. And you will find that the “volume” of the whispers of the positives is turned up-as it should be.
Seligman ME, Steen TA, Park N, Peterson C. Positive psychology progress: empirical validation of interventions. Am Psychol. 2005 Jul-Aug;60(5):410-21. doi: 10.1037/0003-066X.60.5.410. PMID: 16045394.
Thanks for reading,
Doc
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Doctor Thom Mayer has been a leader in times of crisis for over 25 years, navigating some of the most significant challenges imaginable.
He is the Medical Director for the NFL Players Association, as well as an emergency physician-sports medicine leader of international renown.
He served as the Command Physician at the Pentagon Rescue/Recovery Operation on 9/11, Incident Commander for the inhalational anthrax outbreak in Washington, DC that same year, and led a Team Rubicon Mobile Emergency Team in Ukraine following the outbreak of war.
He is among the most widely respected leaders in times of crisis and is a highly sought after speaker and consultant across many businesses and industries.